Category Archives: Familia

The Problem with Polygyny

To someone who has generally been taught to blame the Church for everything, this report is actually really interesting.

A little background on me; Semi-Neopagan family upbringing. My ma always wanted us to freely choose and explore everything so whilst she was in the Neopagan way of thinking she didn’t really try to instill it; just you know morals, which she and I don’t see as being connected to religion (i.e. they’re a focus of religion but they’re their own seperate guidelines for life if you like).

My gran on the other hand, hella Neopagan, tho she’d say Pagan and wouldn’t understand that the roots of what she follows actually come from the 1970s not like 370. Not too pushy but definitely encouraging into it, so everything church related for her was condemned basically. We had a Rev friend but he ‘followed the way of the Light’ or some shit, so he was considered alright.

All but the extinction of Paganism? Church’s fault.
Destruction of ancient holy sites? Church’s fault.
Dismissal of personal magic, female power, freedom, free thought, free speech, free worship? Church’s fault.

I mean, you can see where that point of view is coming from, and it does have some basis in reality, you can see those trends. But it’s not a reason to condemn a faith for all but it’s pre-Christian Pagan morals. It really isn’t. And whilst I was never wholly condemning like my gran; I certainly picked up a lot of that attitude from her, being afraid of feeling Christian, mocking the occasional (one) devout Christian (that I wholly regret, though I was 7ish; same year I had a mock wedding held by my friend who was the daughter of a vicar \’-‘/).

So, when it came to the point where I like started actually thinking about stuff like sex, marriage, attraction in a my-entire-world-is-feminist-and-now-I’m-consciously-thinking-about-the-power-structures-and-male-hating-thought-pattern-my-gran-instilled-in-me way, I naturally blamed the condemnation of lesbians, gays and polygamy/open relationships on the Church. It seemed sensible at the time. Now I understand it’s just humans, not a religion’s fault because that’s stupid because humans make the religion (even if it’s divine inspired, they go on to corrupt or spread it).

So, humans condemn polygamy etc., yet I hadn’t moved past the thinking that it was because their religion made sexual relations like that seem immoral (if you read the right passages in the right way). Never had I considered that there may be a more natural reason for their condemnation/closed-mindedness, even though I have already put other things down to a more natural impulse (racism for example can be understood as a natural rejection of not-your-clan; this DOES NOT excuse it- there is a reason that we are sentient, reasoning beings and I firmly believe moving past no longer/never required natural impulses qualifies as one of those reasons).

The transmission of STIs as a reason to be monogamous in a large group seems reasonable, likely and regardless of what criticism is levelled at this model, seems almost unquestionably the most likely reason for polgyny and polygamy to be condemned by a lot of people by natural survival impulse. If this is the case, and I strongly believe it is, there funnily enough doesn’t seem to be much need of it now, or at least in entirely morally corrupt places that are abusing the rest of the world enough to be able to afford sti treatments and protection that prevents transmission.

Basically, let people fuck other fully informed, consenting adults and however many of them of whatever sex they please;  and for gods’ sake provide them with protection to do so!

Letters to the Dead

I’m sorry that I can’t remember your voice. [Still can’t, these notes are written in 2017, a year after the original letter]

I’m sorry that I can’t remember your smell,

or your laugh, or how you looked.

I’m sorry I can’t remember your face,

Or what clothes you used to wear.

I’m sorry that I was too young to ask about you, to get to know who you were.

I’m sorry that all I have of you if half-remembered fragments told to me by my family, and that they hardly speak of you – I’m sorry for not asking more.

I’m sorry that all I know of our time together is a tinned can label from a can of beans, stuck in a learning scrapbook that we made together.

I’m sorry that you got killed by your husband. [A random guy and that it could totally have been prevented if only the warrants were valid]

I’m sorry that a bench is all we have in monument to you, and I’m sorry that I don’t know where you are buried. [Found it]

I think it was back home, but I’m sorry, I don’t know where your home was, where you came from, what you liked to eat (semolina?), what you liked to listen to (other than Madness), who your family were and if they’re still alive. [The answer here surprised me more than I can say]

I’m sorry that I’ve never asked to meet them, or to speak to people about you.

I’m sorry that I feel so much for you, yet can’t remember a damn thing.

I’m sorry that Robbie Williams always makes me think of you and makes me cry for you.

I’m sorry that my mum said you wouldn’t want me to be sad so every now and again I let emotion overflood me as if I feel something massive for you but I can’t tell if I do or not because I repress thoughts of you most of the time.

I’m sorry that whenever she speaks of her beloved cousin who died, or her sister who died, all I think of is you.

I’m sorry that I don’t know why I do, why you represent a massive hole in my life. [Still don’t know]

I’m sorry that I don’t know why I’m crying now.

I understand now, why I keep seeing my friend that told me in my dreams, I keep needing to apologise to her in them, for calling her ugly, or not saying anything – because I can’t remember if I did or not.

She was the one who told me someone had died- and didn’t even think of you. I was so scared that it was my gran or my mum, even though it would have been impossible for it to have been them. Then I thought it was Jean-bean, the cook. I never even thought of you.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry J– if I could have prevented something from happening to you from speaking, and I hope that nothing happened and that you’re ok. [Apparently I did, we’re cool and I’ve since stopped dreaming of you, friend]

I’m sorry Tracey, for feeling this way, for not even knowing how to spell your name. And I’m so sorry if the only reason I’m doing this is because mum is, I’m ever the imitator, you know. [Still am]

I miss, and I have no idea why. Maybe two year old me would know, but I can’t remember that far back. I’m sorry.

I will ask her, regardless of why my brain is doing this, but I’ll do it at Easter, face to face. So you seem more real. [I did it]

I think it was Wales, that you came from. And I think it makes sense. And I think it’s strange that I’ve never considered that you probably had a welsh accent in that case. How strange. (I vaguely remember your hair and face, but I think alot of its mixed up with other people. I also have fake memories of being in a pram with you pushing, which can’t be true caz my brother’s in the memory and he wasn’t there then. Unless he was, later. I don’t remember.) [No idea, but it sure shit weren’t Wales, oops]




[Herzog Samuel Bellow Loved]